Dear Diary,
by SparkleInTheSun
Summary: Chad grazed his fingers over the black diary, closing his eyes as he thought about the words it held within it, the tear stained pages that hurt him so much. How could he save her without her knowing how he found out? Channy.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, never have and never will. **

**Although the storyline and wording is mine, all mine. **

**A/N: So, out of my voting stories – three won! **

**~ Chapter One ~ **

"**Nothing makes us as lonely as our secrets." **

Chad bit down on his lip as hard as he possibly could, watching Sonny as she stormed out of her own dressing room after another argument with him. He sighed, looking around the room for a moment before his eyes settled on a black diary.

He smiled to himself as he walked over to it, picking it up and shrugging before opening the first page;

**Allison Munroe**

He frowned at the way she had written 'Allison', she hated that name – he wondered why she would put it in her diary. He shrugged it off, opening it up to the first page, hoping to find a big love heart with his name inside.

_Dear Diary, _

_I thought that when I was away from Wisconsin all the pain would stop, but no matter how hard I try my best to be Sonny.. it never works. Allison keeps creeping up, fighting her way to the surface as each day gets worse and worse. _

_But this time I will not let her win, I am not going to be that girl again. _

_I have friends, a job, a life.. I have so much but still, nothing is working out for me at him.. if only the pain would stop, if only I never had to go home, if only I would be okay... _

_I should go now, before they catch me – I don't know what they would do if they found my diary collection. Things would just get worse, dad would murder me.. nobody can find out, ever. _

_Allison_

He inhaled sharply, shaking his head as he realized that this was not what he had been expecting, he would have thought he would find smiling faces, pretty drawings, colourful writing, new sketches... anything but this.

He thought about leaving the diary there for a moment, pretending like he had never found it in the first place but he just had to know what Sonny was talking about. He needed to understand what exactly was happening to the girl he secretly liked.

Chad looked at the book in his hands for a second before walking out of that room as fast as he possibly could, making sure he couldn't be seen as he nearly ran into his dressing room. He closed his eyes for a split second before sitting down to open the diary to the next page,

_Dear Diary, _

_Sometimes I wonder why my parents ever bothered to have me, they hate me.. and I don't know what I could have done wrong when I was just a little girl. I just feel like screaming at them sometimes, asking them to tell me what I did wrong so I can make it all better. But nothing ever seems to work, no matter how much money I put into this family, no matter how much I beg, no matter how much I cry... they don't care. _

_I dream about a life with nice parents sometimes, I think about how Sonny's parents would be. Mum was nice on my first day here, I actually thought she had changed but then two weeks later he came back and she changed back to normal. _

_It's how she copes – I know that but even knowing that she doesn't mean any of the evil, malicious things she says to me, doesn't make it hurt any less. _

_And now that I know that without him being here, she can be nice – it hurts even more. _

_He came into my bedroom again last night... _

_I am going to beg Tawni if I can stay over hers for a few nights today, maybe when I get back things will be okay.. maybe._

_Allison_

His heart almost stopped beating as he read the words on the tear stained page, his hands were shaking with anger as his grip on the book tightened, how could anyone hurt her? How could anyone even think about laying a finger on the girl he loved so much?

He looked at his reflection in the mirror, resisting the urge to chuck something across the room as he dropped the diary to the floor, looking down as though it had burned him. He hated Sonny because he cared about her, but at the same time he loved her because she was the only person who had been able to make him care.

He couldn't help but wonder if every smile she had ever given him was fake, if every loud laugh was a lie or if every small sparkle he saw in her eyes was actually a flicker of pain. He bit down on his lip, thinking for a second before picking the diary back up carefully, acting as though it would shatter at any moment.

He knew he had to protect her, he just didn't know how, how could he go about telling her he knew when he didn't want her to find out how he had found out? He sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he thought about it.

He had to make sure she was okay, he had to save her.. but how?

**A/N: Eeek, this was fun, poor Sonny. I am evil to her aren't I? **

**Well seeing as fourteen of you voted for this, then I expect fourteen votes! ;) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**A/N: Wow, thank you for the response for the first chapter.**

**I can only hope that this one gets the same!**

**Have you ever noticed how the first chapter can get loads of reviews and then either people stop reading or they stop reviewing?**

**Don't let this be another one of them!**

**~ Chapter Two ~ **

Her heart was beating fast.. too fast as she looked around her dressing room. Someone had found it, they just had to have found it. Her hands shook as tears fell from her eyes, mascara ran down her cheeks. Her face paled as she collapsed down onto the floor, gripping her knees as tightly as she could as she brought them to her chest. She rocked back and forth slightly, digging her long nails into her exposed arms as she sobbed.

"No, no, no, no, no." She repeated to herself over and over again, almost sounding like a broken record as blood started to fall from the small indentations on her arm. She wanted to scream, she wanted to run around the studios and beg whoever had it to give it back, she needed to make sure it hadn't been read or anything.. she couldn't have anything like that getting out.

She bit down on her lip as hard as she possibly could as she stood up, taking one more look around the room as she sighed. She needed her diary back, it was her _secret _and nobody could ever find out, everything would only get worse. She fought back more tears as she thought about anyone discovering what went on in her house, she could imagine the laughter, the rolling eyes, the whispers of how stupid she was.

She couldn't handle it, she couldn't look people in the eyes knowing that they just _knew, _she couldn't look at anyone if she knew that al they were thinking about was her parents, if all they could see were the scars, bruises, cuts.. if they could never even look past all of that..

She wasn't Sonny at home, and she knew people would not understand that. Sonny was happy, she was funny and perky. At home she was Allison, Allison was depressed, she hated her life, she would cry all the time and she wanted to die. Sonny was different, Sonny was her escape from the life that always hurt her so much.

She didn't know when she thought up Sonny, she knew _why –_ it was because she wanted to stop being made fun of, she wanted people to like her, she needed friends and she wanted to be happy, and the only way to do that was to pretend, (_'Cause pretending was so much easier to do.) _Pretend that she was okay, pretend that life was perfect, pretend that she was going to be happy, pretend to be Sonny. Pretending was the only thing she did best, it was the only thing she was good at.

She would look in the mirror every morning, her fingers grazing over the dark bruises on her body from the night before as tears trailed down her cheek. She would practise her smile, her laugh, her 'Sonny' behaviour, she would impersonate this person she made up in her head every single day and it was so much harder than she had ever thought it would be.

Every day of her life had been a front, a lie, an illusion, a bluff... Sonny wasn't _real, _she was just some made up person that a young girl had thought of and stuck with for her whole life. Sonny wasn't meant to exist, and whoever had her diary would find everything out and then Sonny wouldn't have a reason to exist anymore.

That diary was the key, it was the line between Allison and Sonny, it was the reason she hadn't broken already, it was why she was able to pretend every single day. She _needed _that diary, she _had _to have it.

She walked into the bathroom, sinking down onto the cold tile floor as her whole body trembled, it wasn't long until she held the familiar blade to her wrist. She inhaled sharply as blood came to the surface, dripping steadily as she dug the metal deeper and deeper, _someone had her diary, _the blood fell and she wondered if anything would ever be enough. _Someone had her diary, someone was going to find out the truth. _

She closed her eyes as she dropped the blade down on the floor, even wincing at the soft bang it made as it hit the tiles. _She needed it back, otherwise it was all over. _

_Dear Diary, _

_I am worthless, the words are drilled into me every single day so much that I am starting to believe them. There is actually no reason for me to live anymore, there is nothing to live for. But then again, how am I supposed to kill myself? There is nothing here, I am nothing, I am nobody – how do you kill nothing?_

_I wish I was dead but as I sit there, scribbling down my suicide note, I can't think of who would even want to read it. I know people would want to know why, but for nothing more than harmful gossip._

_I sit there for a long time and try to think of who I would like to say goodbye to and one person always comes to my mind, but then I remember that he hates me, my goodbye wouldn't mean anything to him. It would mean the world to me, but nothing to him.. I mean nothing to him. _

_Suicide seems so easy yet so difficult, it seems like it would be taking the easier way out but at the same time it feels like it's the only way out._

_Sonny is another way to escape but it just seems like she is giving up on me now, the smiles are forced, the laughs are fake, the jokes are lies, I am a fraud. _

_Why wait for death? I am one step closer every single day, it's just prolonged and painful. I want to cry and beg God to just leave me alone, stop the pain, stop it from hurting, kill me now, kill me please. _

_Make it go away. _

_Make them leave me alone. _

_Make them stop. _

_Make it all stop. _

_Let me die, let me live, let me die, let me live._

_Let me be free..._

_Allison_

**A/N: Just in case anyone got confused, the last diary bit was a memory of a diary entry that Sonny was thinking about. **

**Come on people, let's try and get twenty reviews, or more! **

**Oh and a shout out to my girl Bhavana :) Just 'cause I can... **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Three ~ **

Chad watched Sonny carefully as she walked through the long corridors of Condor Studios, the way she looked down at the floor, watching every single step she took as her body trembled slightly. He had to turn away for a second, not being able to look at her pale face, the dark circles etched underneath her eyes. He wondered if it was because of him – because he had the diary that obviously meant so much to the girl.

He heaved a deep sigh for a moment, running his fingers through his hair as she walked towards him, still not seeing him as she kept her eyes focused on the ground. He pondered the thought of her crying, quickly letting the thought leave his mind when she looked up at him.

"Sonny?" He barely whispered the word as he looked her up and done, the diary burning a hole in his pocket as he stared into her deep, brown eyes. They were full of so much pain, too much for her young age. He thought about what he had read in her diary last night, his hands shaking with the urge to reach out and grab her arm, needing to pull up her sleeve to see for himself.

_Dear Diary, _

_Sometimes it's just enough to know that there is something here, something other than my parents to hurt me. My blades are like a security blanket to me – their cold, hard surface comforts me in ways I wish they didn't. _

_The first time I did it, it was like a switch that went off in my head. It didn't make sense to me that cutting was the only thought that ran through my mind that first time, but then I understood – I felt nothing for the first time in such a long time, and it felt good. _

_The first time I tried to kill myself was different, I wish I could have felt nothing that night, I wish cutting would have been able to stop the pain but it didn't.. nothing worked. The thought of knowing I can end it all if I want to is of major relief. _

_So many ways, the first time.. I tried to hang myself.. that obviously didn't work – dad found me and ripped me down from there.. beating me until I thought I was dead. _

_Then I opened my eyes the next morning and saw that I had failed. _

_Failure._

_Can't I do anything right? Can't I even kill myself?_

_I tried it again last night... I sat in the bath as blood poured from my wrists, knowing that the water would speed up the process. I watched the blood fall, smiling to myself as I felt the life leave me._

_I was free for a second... just a second and it felt so amazing, so beautiful... _

_But then mum walked in, screamed at me for being so selfish, leaving her alone with him.. she pulled me out of there, she saved my life and I have no idea why. _

_I felt like telling her that she was the one being selfish, just because she couldn't stand for him to hit her.. she would rather her husband hurt her own daughter. _

_I hate her. _

_I hate him. _

_I hate everyone. _

_Nobody likes me – I thought So Random would change my life. _

_But it doesn't really make a difference, I just have to be happy all the time now, and it's getting harder and harder by the day. _

_I smile, I laugh, I joke, I mess around... I do everything I can't possibly even think about doing at home. And sometimes, I am not even sure which one hurts the most. _

_Pretending? Or reality?_

_~ Allison_

He closed his eyes at the memory, inhaling shakily as he tried to think of the right things to say to a girl who was in so much pain. Her had no idea what to do, he wanted to hold her in his arms but at the same time he wanted to pull her away from him, run away from her because she was making him feel things he hated feeling – care, love, compassion.

Sonny heaved a deep sigh, gulping a little as tears threatened to spill over once more, she felt like running away from him but she also felt the need to run into his arms, wanting to wrap her shaking arms around him as she cried – but she knew he would only laugh and push her away, nobody cared about her that much.

"How are you?" He asked, running his fingers through his blonde hair, he screamed in his head, wishing he could just ask her right there and then but knowing he couldn't. He didn't want her to know he had been the one that took her diary, he didn't want her to know that he knew.

"F-f-fine..." She stuttered, her eyes connecting with his for a short second before she looked away, leaning a little against the wall for support as she wrapped her arms around herself, she winced a little in pain as her fingers grazed over a healing cut, hoping no blood would seep through her baggy clothing.

"You sure?" She heard the concern in his voice, saw it in his face as he took a small step towards her, her body trembled as his hand softly made contact with her shoulder, smiling down at her before shaking his head and walking away.

She stared down at the floor as she made her way into the bathroom she shared with Tawni in their dressing room, tears tinkling down her pale face, falling heavily when she closed the door and slowly collapsed down onto the floor.

Her head lightly hit the cold tiles, smiling as she closed her eyes, tears falling from the edges of her closed lids as she sighed deeply.

She bit down on her lip as her fingers trailed down her sore body, checking for any broken bones as she did every single day. She winced as she came across a broken rib, tears brimming once more as she tried her best to stand back up.

She thought about going to the hospital, but then it would get out to the press, then her parents would find out, and then she would be taken back to Wisconsin and the beatings could only get worse.

"Sonny? Are you alright in there?" Sonny looked up at the knocking door, silently shaking her head as she resisted the urge to just tell someone, even Tawni Hart.

"I-I..." She tried to find her voice, not being able to think straight at that moment in time as never ending tears seemed to fall down her face.

"Hurry up! Tawni needs to shower!" She nodded, knowing that of course – Tawni could never care about anyone but herself. She didn't bother wiping away her tears as she got up, slowly unlocking the door to rush past Tawni, not listening to the cries of her name as she ran out of there, ignoring the throbbing pain running through her body.

She bit down on her lip as dizziness quickly took over, sending her flying into someone's arms as she gave into the darkness she knew had longed to take her in it's arms for so long now. And finally, she was happy and safe.. for now.

**A/N: Oh, you better review this chapter or I will hunt you down xD **

**Seriously, I started this at 10am**

**And its now 3am the next day.**

**Twitter distracted me :'(**

**REVIEW**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Four ~ **

Chad looked down at the girl in his arms, biting down hard on his lower lip as he looked around. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to think of what to do as he thought back to her diary, he shook his head at the thought and gently lifted her up.

He looked around, making sure nobody saw him as he quickly walked to his dressing room, knowing he couldn't take her to the hospital, he didn't want her to hate him and he didn't want the press to find out.

He smiled down at her as he lay her down on his bed, running over to the door to make sure it was locked before going into the bathroom. He took a moment to look at his reflection, tears pouring down his face as he tried his best to tell himself that she was going to be okay.

Shaking his head he looked around the room, his eyes settling on the packet of razors as his hand trembled, he wondered what she would be like when she woke up, would she run into the bathroom and see them? Would she try to hurt herself with him just in the next room?

He gulped at the thoughts, running over to the razor before chucking it away, hastily wiping away the tears that fell down his face – Chad Dylan Cooper does not cry. He sighed, sitting down on the floor and taking the diary out of his back pocket, opening it slowly as more tears fell down his face and hit the red front cover he held tightly in his hands.

He bit down on his lip as he turned over the creased pages, his hand shaking as he got to the place he had bookmarked before,

_Dear Diary, _

_Sometimes I feel like dying, sometimes I even think I am dying. I just lay there after a beating, my eyes closed, my breaths shallow and I lay there believing that one of those breaths are going to be my last one. _

_But then, I wake up the next morning and the whole night is nothing more than a memory, I am not dead.. I am alive as I will ever be and that hurts more than anything. _

_But then I go into work, and I see him, the boy I love more than anything else. Of course, I can't tell him that, I know for a fact he will never feel the same about me. Why would he? I am just a stupid girl who gets beaten every single day and raped every night. I am just a depressed, fucked up girl who cuts herself and longs for death to come. _

_He wouldn't like someone like me. _

_He wouldn't need someone like me – I would hold him back. _

_He would hate me, I know for a fact he will hate me, that's why he can never know.. Nobody can ever know. _

_Like daddy said.. when everyone finds out, they're going to blame me and then they will hate me, and nobody will ever even look at me the same again. _

_I couldn't stand it if he hated me, anything but that.. anything. _

_Sometimes I look into his eyes and I think that maybe he feels the same, but then when I am on my own and I look at my body, I know for a fact that he could never love someone like me. _

_I see the bruises, the cuts and I know that if anyone were to ever see that.. nothing would ever be the same again. _

_I look down at my naked body when my dad leaves my bedroom and I know that after that I am never going to get clean again. _

_I look down at my naked body when I am in the shower and I just find myself thinking, what's the point? I am never going to get clean anyway. There's no point. _

_Maybe one day I will get my happy ending. Maybe.._

_Allison_

He slammed the book down, grabbing a towel and running it under the cold tap before walking back into the dressing room, he couldn't help but hope that that boy was him, he wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her that none of it mattered to him, he would still love her.. he did love her.

He bit down on his lip as he sat down on the bed, moving her so her head was on his lap before placing the cold towel on her head, his hand pressed gently on her cheek to check on her fever.

He shook his head, running his hands down her body until he grabbed her arm, holding it up as his body trembled, not liking what he was about to find as he slowly rolled up her sleeves.

He held back a gasp as he stared at the angry red marks on her wrist, shaking his head as tears found their way down his face once more, he visibly paled as he looked at the fresh ones, noticing they seemed so much deeper than the rest. He winced when his fingers lightly brushed against one, his hands sweating as he tried his best not to grab her and force her to wake up.

He wanted her to cry, he wanted her to tell him what was wrong, he hated the fact that he had only found out about it through reading her diary (_He never would have guessed it)._

He looks up at the smiling photograph he has of Sonny on his dressing table, shaking his head when he realizes what a fake she has been all this time, _(How can someone so happy, have such a cruel life?). _

"I'm sorry." He whispers, running his fingers through her long brown hair before closing his own eyes, hoping this is all one huge nightmare that he could wake up from at any second, dreaming that Sonny was okay, this was all a huge mistake.

He smiled as he dreamed of a world where it wasn't _her _diary and those were not cuts on _her _skin, he couldn't see bruises and she did not just collapse in his arms. If only reality could be like that, if only he wasn't holding the girl he loved in his arms as she moaned slightly in her sleep, begging her father to stop it, begging him to leave her alone. If only he wasn't holding her cut up wrist in his hand, if only she wasn't crying silently in her sleep and if only he hadn't only just caught her as she fell down to the ground a few hours ago.

If only reality wasn't nearly as crushing as nightmares.

If only she was okay, if only he could tell her..

_If only she knew he loved her. _

**A/N: Stupid twitter, I had role playing sometimes.. it distracts me all day.**

**You know I didn't even go out with my friends today because twitter was too interesting at the time?! **

**Yeah, I am sad. **

**Get twitter, add me ChellySparkles**

**Now. **

**Anyways, please review.. or I will.. cry.. yeah. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Five ~ **

_Dear Diary, _

_Dreams are crushing when you wake up, suddenly the fantasy world you find yourself in is snatched away from you as you wake up in the nightmare. _

_I hate my life so much, I just wish I was never born, maybe things would be so much easier then. Maybe my dad wouldn't be so horrible, maybe my mum wouldn't be so weak. _

_It's not fair, nothing is fair, even growing up I quickly learned that life is not fair, you just take it as it is and hope for the best._

_I learned that, that's reality. _

_You know how sad my life is? _

_The highlight of my days is arguing with Chad Dylan Cooper. _

_It makes me believe that maybe we have something, but then I look into those eyes and I know I can never be good enough for him. I will never be good enough for anyone. _

_I'm worthless. _

_Stupid. _

_Disgusting. _

_Nobody is ever going to want someone like me, I'm going to be at the mercy of my parents until dad finally gets the guts to kill me. _

_Or until I get the guts to do it myself. _

_I want to scream out sometimes, I want to run into someone's arms and cry, telling them what my home life is like but I can't because nothing is wrong, crying is against the rules. I have to be so strong, I can't let anyone ever break me. _

_I'm strong. _

_I wish. _

"_Alone and sad, she sits and stares, _

_and desperately wonders if anyone really cares."_

_Allison_

His eyes moved quickly over the page, putting it down as he walked back over to the still sleeping girl, putting his hand on her head, frowning when he felt a small fever, "Sonny?" He whispered, shaking her a little as she stirred a tiny bit in her sleep.

"Sonny." He bit down on his lip, moving out of the room to get some pain killers for her, smiling when he got back to see her awake.

"How do you feel?" He muttered, blushing a little at the thought of caring for someone other than himself,

"Fine." She whispered, moving to get out of the bed when she realized what had happened,

"Lay back down or I will take you to the hospital."

"I'm fine."

"Sonny, you have been out for over eight hours." He rolled his eyes, putting down a glass of water to put his hand on her shoulder,

"Shit, what's the time?" Her eyes widened, shrugging him off as she got up again,

"Eight, why?" He had a feeling he already knew why as she shook her head, tears quickly running down her cheeks,

"I need to go." She whispered, grabbing her shoes and moving quickly,

"No, you can't." He grabbed her arm, pulling her back into her chest as she sobbed, wrapping her arms around him – he wondered for a moment if she was going to tell him, really hoping she would so he could help her.

"Please." She shook her head, her grip on his shirt tightening as he sighed,

"I can't.. I saw the cuts." She pulled away, her eyes wide, her hand gripping at her chest, she felt her heart thump against her chest, blood rushing to her head as she closed her eyes.

"No," She shook her head, stepping back from him, tears running down her pale face as she stumbled a little,

"It's okay Sonny, I won't tell anyone – I want to help you."

"No! You can't help me, nobody can help me!" Sonny screamed, yanking out of his touch as soon as he placed a hand on her arm, glaring at him before running out of there as quickly as she could.

_Dear Diary, _

_Like daughter, like father, we've both abused me. _

**A/N: Sorry it's so short, next one is going to be extra long to make up for it. **

**Please review, it means so much to know people actually read it. **

**Oh and a shout out to my favourite story 'Interlinked' Read it, you're missing out if you haven't already. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Six ~ **

Tears ran down her pale cheeks as she ran, coming to a sudden stop when she was outside, clutching at her aching sides as a sob escaped her mouth – it was never supposed to end like this. She shook her head, bringing her hand to her arm as she rolled up her sleeve, letting warm tears fall onto the wounds, some fresh, others old as she wondered what Chad had been thinking when he saw them.

She bit down on her lip as she thought about it, he wasn't supposed to find out, the boy she loved was never supposed to know about this side of her. He was supposed to fall in love with Sonny, and never find out about Allison – that was the way it should have been.

She thought about what it would be like to die right there and then, he would never love her now – the hope was gone, it was dead. She fought the tears when she noticed people staring at her, falling down to the ground, curling up into a tight ball as she tried to think of an excuse as to why she would do that.

"Sonny?" She winced at the sound of his voice, it was so full of hate and disgust, she shook her head – she couldn't stand it if one more person hated her, not him.

"It's all going to be okay." He whispered, sitting down next to her, glaring at anyone who stared as he wrapped his arms around her, smiling when she relaxed. He held her as she cried, rocking her back and forth, trying to tell her how much he loved her, how much none of the cuts or bruises, how none of the damage mattered to him – he would always love her. But the words wouldn't come to him as he sat there and held her close to him.

"Please don't hate me." She sobbed finally, pulling away a little to look into his eyes, those sparkling blue eyes as he shook his head, he could almost feel his heart tearing as he looked into her sad, brown eyes, tears running down her pale cheeks.

"I could never hate you." He smiled at her, brushing some hair out of her now wet face and brushing his lips onto hers before moving up a little to place a soft kiss on her forehead, "Never."

Sonny stared into his eyes before putting her head on his shoulder, biting down on her lip to stop herself from confessing everything as she closed her eyes. She wondered if he would ever know how much those words meant to her as he slowly lifted her up as he stood up.

She kept her eyes closed, tears falling from closed lids as she moved her arms around his neck, letting her fingers gently move through his perfect hair as he walked back to his dressing room, trying to hide his own tears from everyone as he kept his eyes focused on the ground.

He smiled at her as he let her lay on the bed, his fingers brushing over her hair as she slowly opened her eyes, "Don't tell anyone." She murmured, he nodded at her,

"Only if you don't tell anyone that I am secretly nice." He winked, grinning when she giggled a little and then closed her eyes again,

"I promise you that it's all going to be okay soon." Tears dripped down his own face as she slowly nodded, her eyes closed as he wrapped a blanket around her, hastily wiping away his own tears before walking into the bathroom.

His eyes moved between his own diary and Sonny's as he sat in the corner of the bathroom, his head resting on the cold tile wall as he tried to think of something he could do to make it all go away, something he could do to save her.

He heaved a deep sigh before picking up a pen, his hands shaking slightly as he picked up the large red and black book he had been keeping since discovering Sonny's. He shook his head as he tried to think of something to write,

_Dear Diary, _

"_The only one who doesn't see your beauty is the face in the mirror looking back at you. You walk around here thinking you're not pretty, but that's not true 'cause I know you." _

_Whenever I hear that song, all I can think about is Sonny. I think the lyric suits her, don't you? She doesn't even realize how beautiful she is, and I blame her parents. She actually thought I would hate her because of her cuts, she thought I wouldn't want to be her friend or anything.. how could she even think that?_

_But then again, I know why, she doesn't even know I know but still.. I know and as much as I hate to think of her hurting herself, I don't blame her. _

_I wonder what I would do in her place, I wonder if I would hurt myself, if I would scream out, if I would tell someone. But then again, probably not. It's all one huge dangerous secret, hardly anyone tells until they finally break – but Sonny is so much stronger than that, she's too scared of what will happen to her if she does tell so she remains silent. _

_I want her to tell me, I need to hear the words come out of her mouth instead of reading those horrible words. If she told me then I could protect her, if she said something to me, anything, then I would be able to stop them from even laying a finger on her ever again. _

_But how can I do something now?_

_She would hate me if she knew I read her diary, she would never speak to me again and then she wouldn't have anyone and it would carry on. _

_This way, I can wait for her to open up – I just hope she decides to tell me sooner rather than later. _

_Anyway I will leave you with the other lyrics which always make me think of her, _

"_And no one knows that you cry but you don't tell anyone that you might not be the golden one. And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone." _

_Peace out, Chad_

He bit down on his lip before closing the book, his hand reaching out for the other one sitting next to him as he leaned against the wall behind him.

_Dear Diary, _

_Dad wants to bring some friends around.. I know what that means, I can't do it.. I can't do this for much longer. I need to scream it out, I need someone to come and save me, I need to be held and I need to be loved.. I can't let him do this to me anymore. _

_I want to run sometimes, but last time I tried that it only got so much worse when the police found me and dragged me back home. It was my own fault, I never should have tried. _

_I think about telling him to stop, begging my mum to help me, but then I know nothing will be any good – they both enjoy inflicting pain on me. I hate them, I hate him more but she's never going to help me – I only wish I could accept that fact instead of looking at her while he's beating me, instead of staring at my bedroom door and longing for her to save me. I wish I could just tell myself that she's never going to change. Nothing is ever going to change. _

"_Cold as winter, stiff as stone – she faces the darkness all alone. A ghostly shadow, a reflection – a mirage, a recollection." _

_It's time I accepted that I am alone. Nobody cares enough to help me, I am not loved, I am not cared about, I am not thought about.. I am Sonny Munroe, I am happy and care-free.. I would rather keep it that way. _

_I don't want them to think – Allison Munroe, the abused child with nothing and no one. _

_Sometimes when I think everything is going to get a little better, mum gets drunk and then everything is worse again. _

_Dad abuses me, he always has and he probably always will – I am not sure if I will ever escape his evil clutches. _

_And mum, well she has never been able to protect me, she looks on as he beats me, smiling because she would rather it be me than her. And then she gets drunk and I find myself staring into the mirror, with her behind me telling me just how worthless, fat and disgusting I am. _

_Another quote for you here, _

"_Mummy why is there always a fat girl in my mirror?"_

"_Because you never stop shovelling food down your fat throat, that's why."_

_So I starve, and I starve, hoping that maybe she will love me enough to stop saying all of those things to me, hoping that maybe she will just see me for what I am – her little girl, dying to be loved. _

_Mummy, daddy look – it's your little girl starving for attention. Dying for perfection._

_I wonder if they would even care. _

_Probably not. _

_Nobody would. _

_Allison_

Chad gripped onto the book as tightly as he could as he stared at the bathroom door, tears now falling heavily down his face as he thought that Sonny couldn't go through much more, he wondered how long it would take for her to completely break, before the smile no longer existed, before the laugh stopped making him smile. He wondered how long it would be until she couldn't take it anymore.

"I don't know what to do." He whispered into the room, dropping the book as he drew his knees to his chest, he always hated being this weak but he loved her – and she was dying.

"Help." He murmured to himself, he couldn't handle this – he was just a seventeen year old boy, he had never dealt with anything like this. He didn't know what to do, what to say, he didn't know how to help her.

_Dear Diary, _

_I can't be myself, the mirror tells lies and says I'm ugly. _

**A/N: Longer like I promised, so how do you think Chad should help her? I have an idea, but I would love to hear your opinions. **

**Review, please. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Seven ~ **

Chad looked around the room, tears running down his cheeks as he tried to think of the best way to help her, he dug his nails into his knees, wishing he had never even looked at the diary in the first place – wondering if it would be better to have never known about it all.

He heaved a deep sigh as he looked up, jumping from his place on the floor when he heard her call his name, his hand shaking as he walked into the room, not even bothering to wipe away his tears as she sat up in the bed and looked at him.

He noticed the shock on her face for a second before she shook it off, biting down on her lip and looking into his eyes, "Are you okay?" She almost whispered, tears glazing her brown eyes as he shook his head, sitting down on the bed next to her.

"I know what's been going on Sonny." He muttered, the tears falling down his face as he played with a small thread on the blanket, not looking at her as she shook her head, her eyes wide with fear before shifting back in the bed a little.

"What do you mean?" She finally said, looking at him as he heaved a huge sigh, his eyes not looking up from the bed,

"The cuts, the eating disorder, the abuse..." Sonny thought about what he had said for a moment, not sure if she was glad he knew or not, tears finally falling from her eyes, hitting her pale cheeks in large drops before sliding down onto the bed,

"I-I d-don't.." She closed her eyes, willing herself to lie to him, resisting the urge to run into his arms and tell him _everything, _but she knew that as soon as she started it would all come out. She would look into those sparkling eyes and she would tell him everything, and then he would never be able to love her.

"Don't lie to me!" He glared at her for a second, shaking it off as he moved closer to her and put his hand on her arm, "I love you." He murmured softly, putting his forehead on hers as he put his hand on her face, wiping away her tears.

"I love you despite it all, I would love you no matter what and don't you ever think otherwise." Sonny looked into his eyes for a second before nodding, moving to put her head on his chest and wrap her arms around his waist.

"I am so sorry Sonny." He muttered before pulling away, wanting to make the most of the contact with her – knowing she would probably hate him,

"I stole your diary." It was barely above a whisper as he said it, avoiding any eye contact with her, but feeling her move off the bed as she cried out,

"How could you do that to me? How could you let me think you cared when... what are you going to do with it?"

"N-Nothing.. you can have it back.. I wouldn't do that.. I really do love you." Chad stood up, moving towards her and sighing, running his fingers through his hair before letting more tears fall.

"I wouldn't.. please forgive me.. I can save you.." He ignored the shaking of her head, the glares she was giving him, he tried to forget about it all as he reached out for her, he overlooked the way she struggled against him, her tears burning his shoulders as she clenched her fists and hit him in the chest over and over again. He ignored it all, because he loved her.

"I hate you." She whispered, pulling back as she stared at him, noticing how his face dropped, his grip on her lessened as he looked down at his feet, trying to stop the tears from falling down his face, there were three words he would have loved to hear – and those weren't it.

"Why would you even do that?"

"I didn't know what I would find, I was messing around, I was going to tease you about it because I thought I would find 'Sonny Cooper' or something all over the stupid diary."

"You could have stopped reading." She shook her head, turning around to walk towards a wall, leaning against it slightly,

"I couldn't, once I knew what was going on – I wanted to understand, I wanted to help."

"Nobody can help me." He looked up at her, shocked at the sound of defeat in her voice, the way she had completely given up,

"I can, if you let me." He muttered, walking over to her and smiling at her, brushing some hair out of her face and wiping away the tears that fell from her eyes, "You're beautiful, you always will be and you always have been." He didn't pay any attention when she shook her head, instead placing his lips on hers softly, smiling when she kissed him back.

Sonny bit down on her lip, looking away from him as she pulled away, "I'll never be good enough for you." She murmured, not seeing the pain in his eyes as she said it. She gasped a little as his hand grabbed hers, pulling it up to his chest as tears fell down his cheeks,

"Don't you ever say that again – okay?" Sonny nodded a little, her fingers tightening around his hand as he looked at her with so much determination.

"Sorry," She whispered finally after moments of silence between the two teenagers,

"You're not going back there, I don't care what you say, I am never letting you go." Chad stared into her eyes for a moment, letting her know he was serious before pulling her into him, his hands gripping onto her tightly as she sobbed into his shirt.

"You're never going to have to worry about them again – I am so sorry for taking your diary and reading it, I am so sorry for taking so long to tell you and I am so sorry for not helping you sooner. It's going to stop, it's all going to stop." He held her close to him, his eyes closed as she cried, knowing that he would never let her go – she was going to be okay.

~ .. ~

_Dear Diary, _

_For the first time in so long the smile on my face is real, I can laugh without knowing it's forced and I can finally be free._

_Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, crying, sweating, shaking.. the memories seem like they will never fade but then... Chad wraps his arms around me and all of a sudden it's okay again. _

_I think love can do that, when you're actually loved for the first time and when you feel love, it seems like nothing else matters – not even your past. _

_It had all consumed me before, the abuse, the anorexia, the self harm, it took over my whole life. It took away my friends, it ate my soul, it took away everything – but at the time I liked it. But now looking back on it, I know how wrong I was, I know that this is the right way – Ii am happy for the first time. _

_Chad watches me carefully, he cooks for me and he lectures me until I eat every bit of food on my plate – and instead of it being annoying, I kind of find it sweet. It's weird having someone care that much about me, it's weird to think that this is what love actually feels like._

_It's exactly like they make out in fairytales. _

_I couldn't ask for anything better. _

_Be still my heart, this could be a brand new start. _

_Sonny_

**~ The End ~ **

**A/N: The last chapter of this story, I will miss writing it, but as you all know school is soon for me and I have to focus on that and other stories I am putting up. **

**Review.**

**Or I will never write again.**

**Yeah whatever, nope, just tell me what you thought of the ending – hate it? Love it? **


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